just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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