I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
