he thought i was a dude.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
