If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
