my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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