You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize