dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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