my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
