Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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