I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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