I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize