last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
