i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
