He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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