worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
