Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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