fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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