rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
