I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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