Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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