let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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