It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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