...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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