Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
