I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
