I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't deserve a penis
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
