whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize