I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
sex in a hospital.. check
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
