Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
