that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
