I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
