Umm I'm too high to move.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
