I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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