I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
