Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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