I didn't shave. On purpose
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize