lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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