So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
