i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
