so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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