Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize