We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
