Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
