I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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