What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
