i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Randomize
