exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
