I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
