you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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