No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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