I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
