11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
