For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
