I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
