I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Randomize
