So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
