We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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