didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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