dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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