you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she looked like the before picture.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
