remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
