so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
