so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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