We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
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