I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
