never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
