He is such a slut. More and more my type.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
