During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize