i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
