Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
