i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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