I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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