My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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