Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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