OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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