oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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