i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
