Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
