Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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