Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
