the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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