I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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