I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
