I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize