this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize