There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
