hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
