i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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