If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize