Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
