The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
