And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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