the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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