I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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