i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
