And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
