And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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