So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize