Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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