____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
