bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize