You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
