U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize