R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
