sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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